Grandpa Ray Angle
OK, so he hasn’t died yet and it seems a little bazaar writing about the trip I recently took to visit him in the hospital because his wife, Betty, didn’t think he was going to make it this time and I found out later that he specifically asked her to have his family come, so he didn’t think he was getting out of there either.
I received a call from my sister, Linda, on September 14th saying grandpa wasn’t going to make it and that she was flying out with Mom. I called Betty myself to see how things were and it didn’t sound good. She had offered to fly out my Mom and her sister Linda so they could see him one last time. I talked to Roger and we decided I should go to be there to support my family so I booked a flight for the next morning and hoped he would make it until I got there. My sister and Mom were arriving the next day too and as it turns out, I actually beat them there.
My aunt Linda arrived first from southern CA. Betty picked her up and took her to the hospital where she saw grandpa and visited and then she went to Betty’s for a nap. That’s where she was when I arrived.
Betty picked me up and we went straight to the hospital. Grandpa did not look good. His frail body was a portion of the size he used to be and skin on bones. Bruised skin from all the places they were trying to get IV’s set up. Wow, it had been a long time since I had seen him and it was not a pretty sight. He smiled his same old big smile when I walked in and leaned toward me as I gave him a kiss. He was obviously happy to see me and all he could say was “Well…” as his eyes were a bit teary. I loved to hear him talk because inside that old frame was still the voice of the big grandpa I knew.
After eating a meal that Betty helped feed him because he was too weak to hold a fork, they said he could be released from ICU and get a room on a different floor. His urine was not flowing so they wanted him on a floor that specialized in that care. That was good news though as it was one floor up the ladder from ICU. He wasn’t always patient with Betty while she helped him eat and kept asking her to stop. It seemed he thought she was force-feeding him and he was doing all he could to keep up but he really didn’t even eat the most of the meal.
Soon he was asking for some water so I went out to the desk and asked for him. They said they would bring it in. The desk was right outside his room in ICU. I stepped back into the room and sat on a chair at the foot of the bed. His lungs were full of fluid and he was struggling to breath. The rattle of the fluids with each breath was loud and apparent. I told him Mom and Linda were coming and were on a flight to arrive very soon. “OK” was his reply.
As I was at the foot of the bed, he suddenly became very alert and opened his eyes very wide and looking up towards the ceiling he said, “I don’t know what the rules are. You know I don’t know what the rules are.” After a pause while he listened intently as he steadily stared upward he said in a matter-of-fact tone “I’m gonna stay here for a while”. He lowered his gaze and then looked straight at me and said “It won’t do them girls any good if I leave before they get here.” Then he looked off in the distance and thoughtfully mumbled “Rebecca”.
I was totally taken back. I had just witnessed his conversation with people that I could not see but I knew they were there as much as he did. It was so plain and simple. It was so acceptable and natural and real. There was no big excited feeling, no bright lights, no hype like what a TV show might render of the scene. It was simple and pleasant and powerful. I was quiet and motionless and immediately reverent so as not to interrupt the important conversation. It was over in moments and though I felt I was blessed to witness it all, I felt also that it was just so ordinary.
Then I pondered about how it seemed he had just negotiated some extra time to be here for his family. How much time, and exactly what the criteria was I just didn’t know and I didn’t know if he knew exactly either but he did seem to know he was staying for a while and it did appear to be a choice and decision he was given to make. Then I wondered who Rebecca was. I couldn’t think of a Rebecca in my research right off the bat and was wishing I had a laptop to see. I found out later that he told my sister “They were coming to get me and I told them my girls were here and I’m gonna stay here a few more days.”
Betty was quiet as it happened too but as soon as she could think a minute she was babbling about how he wasn’t going anywhere he was just being moved to another floor. Now that was unbelievable; that she could sit there with me through this experience and listen and watch as he had this conversation and then just brush it off onto a previous topic that had to do with here and now and not anything to do with what we had just witnessed.
Before my Mom and sister arrived, they moved him to the next floor. It was a rough ride for him and he kept repeating “Oh, man!” every time they would hit a bump or jerk the bed. It was a wild ride for the way he was feeling. After he was settled in the call came that Linda and Mom had landed and were coming. I stepped out of the room and asked Linda to try to prepare Mom for how bad he looked. He really lit up when Mom and Linda walked in. He was so thrilled to see them. He knew all his family was there. We all visited as we stayed with him in his room. Sometimes all of us, sometimes one would stay with him while the others took a break to eat. We all had moments to visit with him together and alone.
I visited with him about how he is the last of his brother’s and sisters still living. We talked about how he built the Drake’s home in Bremerton, Washington and he reminded me that he worked in the shipyard there and so did they. Of the car accident that took their lives he said “That was bad”. He mentioned the day he met our natural father, Frank and about how he submitted to a DNA test so aunt Linda would know for sure he was her dad. He mentioned Irma, his wife who died. These conversations let us know he was there with us as there were times that he did not seem as coherent.
Occasionally he would be frustrated with everything. Sometimes when Betty was talking he would look at us and roll his eyes and bring his hand up like he was going to back hand her across the room and make a motion like he was. It was funny. The old fireball was still in there.
Sometimes we would just let him rest. One time he was holding my hand as I sat next to him on the bed as my sister Linda and I were visiting. I was trying to keep him covered and warm. Sometimes he was hot and tore everything off and other times he was cold. As he started to doze both Linda and I became quiet so he could just rest. A moment or two later he opened his eyes and said we could keep talking. It seemed he was so used to Betty talking all the time that it was easier for him to rest if we wouldn’t let everything get so quiet.
Aunt Linda told us that she saw him look up to the ceiling and talk with someone and Betty had told her he was hallucinating. She was tired from her flight and went along with that idea but then she said it struck her as she was home resting that “He was talking to angels!” She was sure of it. I think we all decided Betty was in denial.One time when the others had gone to the cafeteria, I stayed with grandpa. He asked me as he had asked Betty a few times before “What do I gotta do to get outa here?” Then he went on “I think I can make it down the hall. I’m not sure about the stairs but if we could figure that out we can get outa here and go home!” He was trying hard to get a comrade in his escape from that hospital. He really didn’t like it there. I had to tell him we would probably be there a little while longer. A little later when he had been gazing upward he turned to me and asked “How close are we to the sky? It looks like there’s only a few sticks and pieces of cardboard between here and there.”
Another occasion when my sister and I were with him he refused the medication from the nurse. He said he wouldn’t take anything unless “mother said it was OK”. Betty was out of the room and Linda and I convinced him that “mother said it was OK” and he looked right into my eyes one more time to ask if it was OK and when I said yes he said “All right then” and let me give them to him one at a time.
The morning came that I had to fly back home and I went one last time to the hospital. I told grandpa I was going to the airport to go home and go to work tomorrow. He said, “I wish you wouldn’t.” I said, “What?” because I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly because he spoke so softly as he was always struggling for air but he said it again as plain as day as Linda and I leaned in to hear. “I wish you wouldn’t.” Then he added, “I’d like to ask you to come back but I won’t.” I kissed him goodbye and told him I loved him and headed out of the room as the emotion gripped my heart. Linda broke the silence and said “Boy, that was hard.”
The next day when she made her trip to the hospital to say goodbye he didn’t make it any easier on her as he told her “You know I’m dying”. Linda said, “I know grandpa. And when you get up there I want you to find my guardian angel and give him a kick in the butt!” He smiled and winked at her.
Time went by and grandpa was able to move to a care center. He was mad that he didn’t get to go home. He really wanted to go home but until he had more strength so Betty could help him alone he had to be at the care center. She called me to report on him and told me he was planning his escape again and asking her where his motorized wheel chair was. She told him it was at home. He asked how far they were from home and how far she thought it would go.
As soon as I came home I looked in the computer for Rebecca. I found only one Mary Rebecca Angle. She was an older sister of his that died as a child before he was born.
It is November now and Grandpa is at home with Betty. I know he bargained for time. We have yet to find out what kind of time that will be.
